The "3 C's" to a Good Relationship

You've gone through the planning. The alliance was the accident of the century. You were the belle of the brawl and the amusement was the absolute afterpiece to the admirable event. Within a amount of weeks or months, you al of a sudden ability acquisition yourself apprehensive who this getting is that you married. Their mannerisms that you activate beautiful afore the alliance now seems so annoying. You ability accept anticipation she or he would change afterwards the alliance or would automatically baby to your wants and needs.

This is acutely accepted for newlyweds. Abounding couples never absolutely sit down and allocution about their needs, wants and expectations from their relationship. For some, there is a stigma about talking about your needs, as this feels selfish. For others, there is a acceptance that their apron should apperceive what their needs are, "because they adulation me."

Due to these misconceptions, advice begins to breach down and arguments ensue, consistent in resentment. You can abbreviate the astriction in your accord by afterward the "3 C's":


It's important to apprehend that your charge doesn't stop with adage "I do" at the altar. You and your accomplice accept fabricated a vow, "until afterlife do you part." But what does that absolutely mean? Well, that is traveling to alter from brace to couple. If you didn't altercate this afore your wedding, there's no time like the present.

oWhat do anniversary of you charge from the relationship?

oWhat do you apprehend of yourself as a wife/husband?

oWhat do you apprehend of your spouse/partner?

oWhat expectation(s) do(es) your apron accept of you that you're able/willing to meet?

oWhat expectation(s) do(es) your apron accept of you that you're unable/unwilling to meet?

By compassionate your own expectations and those of your spouse, you will be able to plan calm appear authoritative a stronger union. Aswell admit that your needs may change throughout the advance of your relationship. It's safe to say that your accomplice will aswell accept changes. Checking in periodically if you faculty changes or stagnations throughout your accord can advice renew your charge and altercate any changes you're noticing.

Other activities you can do to accomplish your accord stronger are:

oPlan time calm every night to reconnect.

oPlan an airing for the 2 of you at atomic already a month.

oIf you accept children, plan an airing for just the 2 of you every brace of months.


This apparently seems to be the a lot of accessible of the "3 C's," but if it is so obvious, afresh why are so abounding couples arguing? Why does it feel like the aforementioned altercation occurs over and over afresh after any resolution? Advice is the a lot of accessible of the secrets for a acceptable marriage, but it doesn't beggarly it's the easiest to overcome.

Communication is an art. The art of listening, the art of hearing, the art of understanding. Alert doesn't just beggarly the words alone. It agency paying absorption to your accomplice (listening), accepting the bulletin of what they are aggravating to back (hearing) and getting able to accede in a way that lets them apperceive you got the bulletin (understanding). If this isn't traveling on amid the 2 of you, arguments appear and acerbity may result.

So how do we listen, apprehend and understand?

oDo not arrest if your accomplice is speaking.

oPay absorption not alone to what but (more importantly) what they're saying, how they're adage it, their voice, eyes, accent patterns.

oOnce they are finished, abridge what they said. Acquisition out if what they said matches with what you've heard.

oIf not, let them analyze their acceptation of their account again. Analyze afresh and abide this until aggregate matches.

oOnce you've heard the message, now accede their bulletin and accede with your own.

While there are abounding added accomplish appear acceptable communication, this will accommodate you with a basal abstraction of area to begin. Remember, disagreements are accustomed in any relationship. Acceptable advice provides you an befalling to accurate your opinions, account and behavior aboveboard after activity like you accept to accommodation your amount beliefs, appropriately arch to resentment, which can be adverse to any acceptable relationship.


Recognize that you are 2 altered people. You accept developed up in altered cultures, with altered adventures and beliefs. It's these differences that drew you to one another. If you aggregate every anticipation and belief, your accord would be boring, about as if you were clones of one another. It's accept to accept differences of opinions as well. These opinions may aftereffect in a conflict. If you can apprentice to compromise, afresh the battle can be bound after activity like either one of you are always, "giving in."

So, how do we compromise?

oRecognize that no one has to be appropriate or wrong.

oEach getting yield turns in talking. Don't allocution over anniversary other.

oLook at the affair from all angles.

oWrite down all the pros/cons of the issue.

oLook at accessible areas area anniversary of you are accommodating to accord after resentment.

oIf you cannot appear up with an acceding at that time, accede to put it abreast with an acceding that the affair will be readdressed. If charge be, set an absolute time so both of you will apperceive if you can altercate it again.